- 7:45 pm - Mon, Jun 27, 2011
Q: hey I just read your poem on lbgtq&a and I want to thank you. so much. i'm an out lesbian and my girlfriend and i have been having problems since she decided to transition from female to male. it's been a difficult struggle for her and i feel recently i've let her down. thankyou for opening my eyes and seeing she is still the person i fell in love with. she is still my one and onlee. she is still my best friend. she's still her. thank you.
Anonymous
I actually didnt write that my friend Stepha Zapata wrote it.
But I wish you and your boyfriend luck! I know being in a relationship with a newly transitioning person can have its struggles.
- 3:17 pm - Sun, Sep 5, 2010
- 4 notes
Hey all!
I haven’t forgotten your interviews and emails!
I’ll be replying and posting asap.
Sorry, and thanks for your patience
-Carissa
- 6:17 pm - Mon, Aug 23, 2010
- 27 notes
Excuse me sir, I was wondering if you could…
Dude, do you know…
Hey man, are you…
Stop.
Sorry, sir, we cannot accept this ID, it says ‘female’.
What the fuck are you doing in girl’s room, you pervert?
Stephanie? Is there a Stephanie or a Stephan present? Oh hello, Stephan.
Stop.
Um, excuse me, I have a question? Are you a girl or a boy?
Are you looking for lingerie for a girlfriend, sir?
Hey, are you a faggot or a dyke?
Stop.
This has happened way too many times to count
And with every ounce of my being I’ve held it in
I guess when you look like me you just learn to grin
And bear it, learn to close your mouth
Because you have to watch all the words that come out
Like, “Actually I’m a girl; I thought you could tell my chest
Not to brag, but these are size D breasts.”
So sorry, but I think point one for me, it’s kinda hard to miss
Two new heads forming.
If one more girl throws her purse at my head
Thinking it’d be a defence and leave me half dead
One, we’re in a washroom, I have some self-respect
Two, I could get a better score in a net
So just know I will flush your purse until it’s destroyed
Next time learn with whom not to toy because
“Sorry, I usually wear a warning
But I guess I just forgot to this morning.
‘I look like a boy’ on the back of me
I was actually thinking of upgrading so it was flashy.”
So yes, I’m aware that I’m wearing boy’s pants
And yes, since I last checked I still had a vagina
Why? Well, I don’t know, maybe I’m just tryna
Trick a straight girl into giving me a chance
And before her boyfriend, get into her underpants.
So to be exact, I didn’t know
That to be a girl, your hair had to grow
Past your shoulders or down to your knees
And you had to wear booty shorts and bras and those cute little frilly undies that make your ass look…
Well you get the point.
Yes, I have no hair
Sinead O’Connor or even Britney Spears didn’t seem to care.
And no, I am not a family disgrace
I do not have family members after me like a race
To see who is first to burn me at the stake
Because I wouldn’t like heels and much rather skate.
And no, I don’t slather make up on my face
And yes, where other women have a man, I have a woman in his place.
And no, I do not look like this because I support women’s rights
You can check but yes, I still shave and don’t have anger issues… might.
So, are you a girl or are you a boy?
Actually, I’m just me. That’s all I ever was.
I was me, just me, before I got into this perfectly categorized and labelled place.
That’s what I was in my mother’s womb before I had a face
Hell, before I had genitals or a name
Or had to follow these gender roles like some warped twisted game.
So you can keep your labels and use them at your will
And though I don’t label myself, you can label me still.
Boy, girl, dyke, faggot.
Um, Mom, what’s that? Is it a girl?
No, honey, it’s not nice to stare.
I can answer that question so fast, honey, let’s just play truth or dare.
Stepha Zapata
- 6:20 pm - Sun, Aug 22, 2010
- 2 notes
Q: I'm Alix, you posted my story a few stories ago, 24, pangender transmasculine. you can link to my tumblr...now that I actually HAVE one, if you want :)
dasdeutschtard
- 6:19 pm
- 4 notes
Name: Allie
What does gender mean to you?
Gender is how I present myself to the world; the collection of masculine and feminine traits that I choose to show, regardless of my physical sex.
How do you identify?
Queer in every way.
Why do you identify this way?
I’ve struggled quite a bit in finding an appropriate label, so eventually I thought, “fuck this, I’m just queer.” I came out as a lesbian, but now (two years later) I really dislike the term, and prefer to call myself a dyke. Because this can be offensive to some people, I tend to stick with queer. Gender wise, I’m closer to being cis than trans, but by no means am I 100% female.
Has it always been a subconscious thing for you? When did you discover it? How did you learn to accept it?
Looking back at my childhood, it feels like it’s always been kind of obvious. I used to dress up as Batman and wear my costume all around town. I wore clothes from the guy’s side of the store. I complained about having to play softball instead of baseball. For a while, I thought that these were all markers of being gay, but recently I’ve felt like it means more than that. Talking with my trans and gender non-conforming friends helped a lot, too.
Have you always accepted it?
Yes, and no. There’s an angry feminist side to me that resents any and all masculinity that I possess – I haven’t had a lot of male role models, and I think that gives me some misconceptions about cismen. I’m trying to get over that. And besides, no matter what my gender, I’m still me. I’m still Allie.
Does it affect the relationships you have with friends/family?
My parents are pretty liberal and open minded, but neither of them are too keen on the idea of gender as a spectrum, so it can be a little awkward when I’m out with my mom and she’s asking me why I’m buying clothes and shoes and things from the men’s side of the store. My friends are awesome, and most of them are pretty queer themselves.
Does it affect intimate relationships you have with others?
No, at least, not at the moment. My girlfriend (who I’ve been with for two years) is one of the most accepting people on the planet, and while she doesn’t quite understand, she’s happy to do all she can to support me.
Do you think it has an affect on your sexual orientation?
I like women. A lot. That hasn’t changed.
How hard is it for you to tell people that you something other than man/woman or male/female?
It depends on the person. I also don’t feel the need to out myself all the time; I know how I feel, and how I identify, and I don’t need to tell everyone in order to feel validated.
Is it hard to find allies?
Sometimes, yes. It’s irritating to me how many of the very pro LGB causes completely ignore the T.
Do you identify with man/woman/male/female or transgender?
Neither; just queer.
Do you think that there should be a difference between trans and man/woman/male/female?
In some ways, yes, because I think that trans men and women have so much to offer, if only because they’ve had experience living as men and women. On the other hand, I wouldn’t want to say that trans folk are any less male or female than cis folk.
- 12:05 pm
- 3 notes
Q: Can you post the links to the tumblrs of people you interviewed or interview in the future?
Anonymous
We’ve left that option up to the person taking the interview. It is up to them what information they’d like to disclose!
- 9:02 pm - Sun, Aug 15, 2010
- 3 notes
N
17
First year at the University of Chicago
What does gender mean to you?
Gender is how I choose to present myself in society. It’s how I’m seen. This is different than sex. Sex is how I was born. However, that is also how I’m seen. Gender is an individual identity, experience, and every individual has a different perspective on gender. This is a crucial point for any conversation about gender. Gender is an individual thing, an individual view, concept and idea. Anything said about gender comes from an individual’s perspective. It’s important to recognize this because it is so easy to speak for an entire community when there are so few of us with opportunities to have these conversations.
How do you identify?
As of this very moment, a transmasculine butch straight yet queer intellectual nice guy.
Why do you identify this way?
My identity is a constant evolving idea and thought concept. I experiment with identity a lot privately and question everything constantly. I identify the way I do because I am constantly searching for answer to my questions. I was born female. In my earliest memories I have a masculine identity. Yet I’m not sure I want to be seen as what our society has labeled male. How do I reconcile these ideas? How do I factor in that the world, especially my family, has recognized me as a gay woman for the past five years? How do I accept that words like “butch” and “queer”, words that sound so hard and tough when I tend to be soft and a wimp, words that have some negative historical connotations, yet fit what I’m trying to achieve?
I identify this way because it makes me one step closer to answering these questions.
Has it always been a subconscious thing for you? When did you discover it? How did you learn to accept it?
The best way to answer this question is to talk about Dress-Up. I loved Dress-Up as a child and my favorite thing in the world was to dress up as a boy. Sailors, Daddy, Rock Musicians, I loved it. As I got older, Dress-Up became Drag. The happiest memories I have from ages 10-15 are of me standing in front of a mirror lip-synching to a loud fast song in a suit that was too tight in the shoulders. Drag started out being subconscious for me, I didn’t realize that I wasn’t a boy (well I knew I was a girl but was somehow still a boy) , and over time I began to recognize that what I was doing was “cross-dressing.” Drag felt natural and it was fun. It made me happy. I loved it.
Have you always accepted it?
There was a time when I tried to be “girly”, I occasionally wore lipstick, read gossip magazines, and tried to like cisgender boys. However, for all my life, my hair has been short and my childhood and adolescence was filled with moments where I was “mistaken” for a boy. For me, the fact that I never wanted to grow my hair out or hated being called “young man” shows that I always accepted myself subconsciously. Now that I am older, there are moments when I wish I could “remain female”, especially when I begin to consider the potential for discrimination, hate, and stress I may face as a trans adult. These moments happen but they pass quickly. Part of accepting myself as a trans person means accepting that I am part of a personal process and, like all processes, there will be moments of doubt and changes. I will face them and continue.
Does it affect the relationships you have with friends/family?
My family has not been supportive of my gender identity. I am very fortunate to have grown up in a liberal environment, gone to a tolerant school, and have a very liberal family. However, my family does not see being trans as an identity, they only see the surgery aspect of it. Ironically, they love that I am a “lesbian”, they are so proud of my work with the LGBTQ community and I believe it was their greatest dream for me to live as a gay woman and fight patriarchy. I hope that with time they will begin to accept my identity as a trans person and understand that this doesn’t mean I won’t stop being who I am (including fighting patriarchy!), I will just be a happier and better person.
My friends, on the other hand, have been fantastic. They have been so supportive and loving. I am truly lucky to have such great and accepting people in my life.
Does it affect intimate relationships you have with others?
I have not had a romantic relationship with anyone yet. The people I tend to be semi-involved with or attracted to are cisgender women on all ends of the sexual orientation spectrum. Romantically, I find myself in many binds. I have been told by some women that they will not date me because I do not have a penis (strap-ons not withstanding). I have been told by other women that they will not date me because I uncomfortable with and have trouble feeling pleasure with the body I currently have. This is where my identity can be very frustrating because neither of these objections is in my control and I can’t really fix either the problems just yet.
Do you think it has an affect on your sexual orientation?
My sexual orientation has had an interesting journey over the last five years and it has been majorly affected by my gender identity. I came out as “gay” early, when I was 12-13, so being “gay” has been a major part of my life. I was “the gay kid” in high school and that label really stuck. Not a moment goes by when I do not think “I am gay, I am GAY”. Thus, it has been very difficult for me to accept my “straight” identity. It has been hard for me to comprehend that I could be perceived as a straight cisgender man. As time goes by, I am slowly beginning to use “straight” and “queer” as words to describe my sexual orientation. I am a masculine female-born person who is attracted to female identifying people. I will never see myself as “straight” because being “the gay kid” has imprinted itself into my identity yet I do not (currently) have a sexual or romantic attraction to masculine identified people. This where queer is a helpful label due to its all-encompassing quality. I wrestle with these ideas daily.
How hard is it for you to tell people that you something other than man/woman or male/female?
I only come out as trans when I feel I am in a safe environment and because of issues with my family I am closeted in most situations. However, I have had no trouble coming out to my friends and people in the LGBTQ community or other safe spaces.
Is it hard to find allies?
I am very lucky to have grown up in a mostly open community and to have had very supportive friends. I have found it difficult to find a lot of allies who also identify as trans themselves with the exception a few very amazing people. I have learned the lesson many times that just because two people share an identity or are members of the same community, it does not mean that they will have things in common or are even nice people.
Do you identify with man/woman/male/female or transgender?
Currently, I identify with transgender in a man/women/male/female world. There are times when I identify as a “man” or as a “woman” in certain situations but for the most part, I am trans.
Do you think that there should be a difference between trans and man/woman/male/female?
I am huge proponent of a third gender category for this country. I am not a “woman” and I am not necessarily a “man” but “man” is the only other option I have to “woman.” Thus, I choose to side with “man” when I would be more comfortable with a third category.
I highly recommend reading Eugenides Fico’s amazing essay “It’s Not Confidential, I’ve Got Potential” in The Full Spectrum (edited by David Levithan and Billy Merrell) on this subject.
Could you describe your plans for transitioning or how your transition went?
I am not currently in a good financial or emotional position to transition. In the future, I hope to be stable enough financially and emotionally to have chest surgery and take hormones (I dream of having facial hair). In the near future, I hope to begin to meet with a gender therapist to probe my identity further and discover what I want in my transition. I will also begin binding in the next few months and, hopefully in a few months after that, packing.
How did friends/family/significant other deal with it?
My family and I have made a deal that I will not begin to make any physical changes via surgery or hormones until I am out of college and perhaps grad school. I’m not sure if I will stick to that deal, though I am semi-content with it. Only time will tell.
—
In N’s best interest, there is not photo aiding this interview. But, the content and story is still greatly important.
- 10:49 pm - Thu, Aug 12, 2010
- 3 notes
Q here.
I just wanted to say that I’m still taking interviews (loantran08@aol.com, neutresex.tumblr.com/ask). And a reminder for those that I’ve sent emails to: I sent you an email!
In another note, thanks for following this blog. It makes me incredibly happy that everyone’s story that has been shared on here has been embraced. So yeah. Okay.
- 10:46 pm
- 4 notes
Q: sorry, but,
what is gender variant?
Anonymous
If you view gender as a continuous spectrum, there will be variance in between what is set as “man” and “woman” and at times outside of those ends. But if you don’t view it as a spectrum, you can just consider gender variant/variancy as different genders that come with different gendering characteristics. Going in a full circle here, but it’s basically variety. People who may identify as being gender variant have numerous different aspects to their gender identities and have many different gendering characteristics.
And you don’t have to apologize, it’s good that you asked the question.
